What a year it has been!!
I don't want to only post when I have bad news...but it seems like it's when I have bad news that I most need to get some of my thoughts down. They're all just spinning around in my head, and it helps to get them out where I can see them. Sometimes they make more sense that way.
Today was our last MOPS meeting of the year. It was an emotional one for me. Not necessarily because it's our last meeting of the year, and Becca's last MOPS meeting for good (she'll be in preschool next year during MOPS), but because I'm still reeling from our most recent loss.
After 2 beautiful, healthy children, we have endured the loss of 3 babies in a row. Most recently we found out at the end of March that we were pregnant again. We were excited. We were happy. We were hopeful.
Other people were hopeful too. Everything seemed right this time, and we thought that a healthy pregnancy was within our grasp. My levels rose well in the beginning. The doctor was pleased, and we were ecstatic.
Then I went in last Tuesday for a 7 week ultrasound 'just to be safe'. What they found was a 6 week old baby without a heartbeat, and a too-large yolk sac. The sad end to another little life.
This time the dr wanted to get me in right away for a d&c. Because my body is so good at making progesterone, I hold onto my pregnancies even when they're not healthy. I went in on Friday, and we're recovering.
Reeling. Absorbing. Grieving. Crying. Venting. Praying. Pleading.
On Friday we leave for a week long vacation. A long planned and much needed vacation. We're going to a ski/golf resort 'up north', and staying in a condo. We're going to an indoor waterpark and taking the girls to the hotel pool. We're going to walk along Lake Michigan and maybe even see the Mackinac Bridge. We're going to soak in the jacuzzi and enjoy each other's company. We're going to grieve, and pray, and hopefully find some peace in the midst of this crazy season.
I can't wait.
8 comments:
Oh Renee-
You are a brave, strong, loving, amazing woman.
Three losses. That is a lot. Too much. One is too much. But three...mmm...May you find yourself engulfed in friends and hugs and really yummy comfort food. Be gentle on yourself.
May your vacation be filled with fantastic laughter... great for healing.
And may your great, strong heart never lose hope.
Your friend,
Emily
I'm so sorry to hear this, Renee. I'll be praying for you. I hope you have a restful time away.
Oh, Renee. I am so sorry. My words are not enough, but please know I will be praying for you and your family.
Renee, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the emotional toll it must have on you to keep hoping and then loosing hope. I just pray that God grants you the comfort and peace you need in the coming time and especially in this needed vacation.
Oh Renee, this just breaks my heart. After dealing with infertility and 2 miscarriages, my heart just aches for you. Enjoy this vacation and look for the treasures and beauty that God has planned just for you. He hears you. So sorry...
Renee I'm so sorry that you had another miscarriage. I have been praying for you over these many months, not knowing how you were doing. I'm so, so sorry that you are dealing with this all over again.
I hope that God refreshes you on this vacation and surrounds you with His love.
Still praying for you!
Renee, I think of you often, and pray for you. I don't understand, or even try to, and I cannot express to you how much this saddens me. I am so so sorry for your losses. You precious girl. I hope your vacation brings healing, and hope, fun times, and laughter. Sending hugs your way...
Love, Shelley
My heart is breaking for you Renee. I will be praying that you find peace and healing on your vacation.
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