Bittersweet

Tonight is the last night of life as I now know it.

Tomorrow night I will be in the hospital. Either already the proud mommy of a newborn, or on my way to being such. If I don't go into labor on my own before tomorrow night (which I'm praying ferverently that I DO), then I will go in tomorrow night to be induced.

Tonight was the last night of it being just the three of us. Becca, 'daddy', and I had dinner together, just the 3 of us. We played after dinner, just the 3 of us. We did our usual bedtime routine...just the 3 of us.

After tomorrow, it will be the 4 of us.

What a strange feeling.

It's hard to describe. On one hand, I am incredibly excited. I will finally get to meet the little person that has been growing and moving inside of me for the last 9 1/2 months. We'll get to find out if the baby is a boy or girl, and what the baby looks like. (Will he/she look like Becca? Like my hubby? Like me? Like my red-headed dad?) We'll finally get a glimpse into the personality of our newest little family member. My heart will grow, and fill up with love for another human being.

Something we've been thinking of, planning for, and praying for is about to happen. Soon.

But tonight, for some reason, I feel a little sad.

I had such a good day with Becca today. She was a little sweetie, and I couldn't get enough of her. That little girl owns all of my heart, and life as she knows it is about to be changed forever. She's going to have to share mommy and daddy. She's going to have to accept having another person live in her house, and demand our attention. Pretty soon, she's going to have to share her bedroom.

I know that having a sibling is really a good thing for her. Since I'm an only child, I've spent most of my life wishing that I had a brother or sister. She's going to have that. Someone to play with, laugh with, grow up with, and someone who can understand who she is and where she comes from better than anyone. I just wish I could fast forward through the scary/sad part of this adjustment, and get to the good parts. I wish I could just hold her close enough to me that I could protect her from any bad feelings that she might have. I wish she could understand how much I really love her, so that she would know she has nothing to be afraid of.

I wish she could understand the enormity of the gift that is about to be placed in our hands.