To Nurse or Not to Nurse....

I wish it wasn't even a question for me.

I nursed Becca pretty much exclusively for 9 1/2 months. Part of that was because when she was 2 months old she refused to take a bottle. We couldn't get her to take one again until she was 7 months old. We took her to occupational therapy and everything...they told us that she didn't know how to suck. In retrospect, we just didn't try hard enough.

Anyway, I had no choice but to breastfeed exclusively. While I knew that it was best for Becca, there were many times when I felt trapped. I am not gifted at the fine art of nursing in public; I'm not fond of exposing my 'bosoms' in public, and that is exactly what happened every time I tried to nurse. Because of this, we weren't able to go many places those first 7 months. I couldn't be away from the house for more than 3 hours.

I feel that it was worth it, though. She did eventually learn to take a bottle, and I know that she got the stuff that she needed from me. And, other than not taking a bottle, we didn't have any breastfeeding issues. She slept through the night at 8 weeks old, and has pretty much continued to do so.

Allie is another story. She bites me, hits me, flails her arms around, and looks at anything that moves while she is nursing. It also seems that anything I do can affect my milk supply. The very first day I started working out again, she started waking up during the night again. I was sick for one day, and she woke up 3 times during the night. I started watching what I eat, and she started crying for food every 2 hours.

This being said, we were determined that she would take a bottle. It's one thing to not be able to go anywhere for more than 3 hours when it's your first baby, and you can pretty much stay home with them. It's a completely different story when you add a 2 year old to the mix. She needs to go places, and I need to get out of the house much more now. (I've been home with her for over 2 years now!)

Allie took to a bottle right away, but right about the time she turned 3 months, she started refusing to take one. I started to panic, and didn't give up trying. After 3 days of trying, she finally started to take a bottle again, but ever since then, she's decided she doesn't like nursing as much. She'll nurse for about 2-3 minutes on each side and then start crying. If I offer her a bottle, she'll take another 3-4 ounces. (Which would indicate that she's not getting enough from me.)

So for the last 2 weeks I've been trying to nurse her before offering her a bottle. She has yet to go for more than 4 minutes.

I don't want to quit nursing, but I don't want to risk her not taking a bottle, either. And if my milk supply isn't as good this time, then I want to make sure she's getting enough to eat. The thing is, I have no idea how much she's getting when she's nursing. I can't tell you how much formula we've wasted because we make it for her, then she doesn't drink it all. Sometimes she'll drink 2 oz after I nurse, sometimes she'll drink 5.

I just wonder if she'd be better off if I just quit nursing her, and gave her bottles. Then we'd know how much she's getting, and it would take a lot less time. (It takes at least 45 minutes to feed her now...between nursing, making the bottle, and bottle feeding).

I've been trying to pump, to make sure my supply doesn't diminish too much. But that's hard to do with a toddler running around, as well.

I just feel so guilty about it. I thought I would nurse her for 6 months at least.

On the other hand, I nursed Becca for 9 1/2 months and she's got all kinds of allergies.

I don't know. Just wanted to vent. Get it all out there. We'll see what happens. :P