Bittersweet

The games are put away. The lawn chairs and tables are folded up and back in the garage. The leftover chips and drinks are cluttering up my mom's dining room table.

The kitchen is now clean, and the good-bye's have been said.

What a bittersweet time for me.

I am so excited for this journey ahead. Brimming over with anticipation, really. God has called us to go back 'home', and I'm thrilled to be heeding His voice. This new job sounds like a complete blessing for my husband (and for us), and it will be wonderful to be near family. We have great friends there, too. Friends that are family. It will be refreshing to my spirit and heart to be back in Michigan.

But it hurts.

Colorado has been my home the majority of the last 13 years. I have made a place for myself out here, and have actually lived most of my life out here. (I was in MI until I was 18, but I don't remember the first 5 years or so).

Yesterday we had our 'Going Away BBQ'. It was a busy day of preparations, both around the house, and in my heart.

My mom was wonderful, and took care of the food for us, so my husband and I could relax and enjoy our company.

It was a great time. Quite a few people showed up over the course of the day/evening, and we were able to spend some quality time talking with almost everybody.

It's a hard thing, though, saying good-bye.

It tore at my heart to see Becca hugging her little friends, and saying good-bye. I know that she doesn't understand what's happening, but it's sad to know that she won't be playing with those friends much anymore. She has just started to come out of her shell, and really enjoy playing with her friends (particularly Mitchell, Georgia, and Anna). It's sad to be taking her away from these first friends. But I have to remind myself that we will be surrounding her with family. With aunts and uncles, and more cousins than she'll know what to do with.

For me, it's a different story. A more complicated one.

With the friends that I am close to; really close to, it's not a simple. On one hand, I will miss them terribly. I will miss going for walks, getting coffee, or the seldom had but much enjoyed girls nights. I will miss going to the zoo, or having playdates with our kids. But...I know that our friendships will continue. These friends, that are close to me, will always be close to my heart. And I am confident that our friendships will continue to grow, even though miles may separate us.

There are other friends that time has made close, but whom I haven't really connected with. For whatever reason, I have many friends who are my friends because we've been friends for so long. These are friendships that were made at another time in my life, when all we had in common were things that are no longer part of me. Friendships made when I was a different person...more wild, and much more trouble. We have stayed friends because we feel that we have to, but it's sad to see that we have nothing in common anymore.

These are the friends that will fade out of my life when I move away. In some ways, that's a good thing. In other ways, it's sad. Being friends with someone for 10+ years is a hard thing to just let go of. But sometimes you just have to move on, I guess.

It's a strange feeling, to be saying good-bye to people who have been in your life for so long, but who you know will fade away in your heart. You say all the courteous things, "Keep in touch!", and "We'll still be close!", but you know that the words are just words. I've heard some of these friends tell me "I'm so sorry that I haven't put more effort into keeping our friendship up." But if they haven't made the effort when I live in the same city, I don't have any expectations for our friendship when I live 1200 miles away.

Friendship is a complex and confusing thing. As if life, I suppose.

I thank God for the good, true friends that He has placed in my life. Friends that will be there no matter where I live. They are the treasures that I will be taking with me.