Recently, I have been trying to listen to the sounds of the day. Really listen.
I pause and listen to the sounds of Allie talking to whatever toy or object has captured her attention for the moment. It makes me smile to listen to her tell her snuggle bear, or teething ring all about what' s on her mind. She speaks with such innocence and curiosity, and I can't wait until I actually understand what she's saying.
I've been listening to Becca speaking her 2 year old language as well. She talks pretty much all day long. Either to me, Allie, Elmo, or herself. She tells Elmo what she's going to do with him next. "Highchair, Elmo!" "Eat lunch, Elmo!" "Bib on, Elmo!"
Yesterday we actually had one of our longest conversations to date. She was looking out the window in the room where her crib is now. B-"Guys go, mama?" Me-"What guys, sweetheart?" B-"Guys over there." (As she points across the street). Me-"I don't know, sweetheart. Where do you think they went?" B-"Work out, probly." Me-"Really? Why do you think they went to work out?" B-"Shirts off, mama! Guys shirts off. Work out, probly."
Nice. :P
I've also been listening to other sounds.
I'm trying to be more aware of how many times I say "No", or "Just a minute", or "what are you doing?", or (my favorite) letting out a big, exasperated sigh.
I'm trying to listen to what makes Becca tick. If I pay attention to what makes her happy, and what frustrates her, I can catch a glimpse of her 2 year old heart.
I'm also trying to listen to the messages that their little hearts are hearing.
Last night, I was listening to the way my mom talks to my girls. It made me sad, actually. I recognized so many of the words that I want to limit in my speech. "Not right now, Becca." "Don't do that." "Don't touch that." "I can't do what you want all the time. You need to learn that not everyone does what you want them to."
I have no doubts that my mom loves my girls as much as her wounded heart is able. The words that she speaks to them are the same words I grew up hearing, and make up the soundtrack that she no doubt grew up listening to. And, to be fair, she does tell them she loves them all the time. She gives them hugs and kisses, and occasionally gets on their level and plays with them.
Again, I have to remember...she didn't grow up knowing healthy love, so she has no well to draw healthy love from.
I thank God that He found me, and filled the unhealthy holes in my spirit with His grace and acceptance.
It is because of this mercy that I can rewrite the soundtrack of life that my girls will listen to. The next time I want to say "Just a minute", I will try to stop and meet their needs now. The next time I want to say "No", I will see if there is a different way to word it. And the next time I have an opportunity to make them laugh, or give them a snuggle, I'm going to take it.
4 comments:
Thank you for the sweet reminder Renee. I need to remember to take the time & be careful in my words too. Again, you have a beautiful heart & I so applaud you for changing the legacy of your family.
You are such a thoughtful, introspective Mommy and your girls will be all the luckier for it. You're absolutely right -- life does have a soundtrack and you are wise to be so careful about your own choice of words. I think we can all hear our mothers resonating in our heads. Thanks for blessing me today, friend.
What a great, refreshing attitude you have. I was just talking with Stacia about this very thing - how we speak to our kids. I like what you said about wells of healthy love - hopefully we can impart those to our own kids. I think we can. Maybe someday they will grow up, read all of this and realize we moms are people too. Maybe they will love us more for it.
I am following a link from Sarah's post today (which I loved, as usual!). I'm so glad I did! This was beautifully written. My girls are 12 and 10 now, but oh, how well I remember those days you are currently living! It was hard, I was tired, but they were so much fun at that age, that stage of my life is one of my favorite memories! I felt like it would never end at the time... I loved their sweet voices, their soft skin and fat cheeks. :) You are wise to take your time with them. It does go fast.
Even at 12 and 10, there is a lot to listen to. (I also have a 5 year old boy, TOTALLY different story there! :) ) I needed your reminder today! Sometimes the girls are "deeper waters," now, and they have to be drawn out a little more, but there is a reward for taking the time.
So far this week, I've been reminded to smile more, listen better, and speak gentler! I'm going to try to remember and actually do it this week.
I loved reading your post and remembering for a moment today.
Thanks for sharing,
Jen
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