Be careful what you pray for

I'll admit it. I'm a woman. A woman who needs affirmation. I know it's not the healthiest thing ever, but it's true. I need to hear things like "you look pretty today", or "thanks for doing laundry", or "I can tell you worked hard today, taking care of Becca, picking up, and making dinner".

Usually my husband is pretty good at this. He needs the occasional reminder, but fortunately that's not too often.

Until recently. I think I've talked to him about 4 times in the last 3 months. I try to tell him that even if it's frustrating to him (he thinks I should just be secure in our relationship, and confident in his love), that it's something I need. We'll have a really good talk, and I'll feel better about things, but then nothing will change. It's been like this for about 3 months now.

I know that being a wife and mom is an invisible job. Nobody really sees the hard work and effort that go into both. And that's just how it is. But I know that after a day of taking care of a toddler who can't 'thank' you, it's nice to hear that someone appreciates you.

And then I remember....

A couple of months ago, I was reading a book about the Proverbs 31 woman. It asked me to pray that I be a good wife and mother for the sake of being a good wife and mother. Not for affirmation, or for recognition. But just to do it. I prayed that I would be a woman who wouldn't NEED that affirmation. That knowing that I was doing the right thing, and pleasing God would be reward enough.

Be careful what you pray for! I'm starting to wonder if there's a reason that my usually attentive husband has been slacking in the 'building up Renee' department lately. I prayed that I would become a woman who wouldn't need that, and what better way to get me there, than to deprive me?

It still doesn't make me feel any better. But I can't force my hubby to appreciate me outwardly. And the more I nag, the less likely he is to give me what I need. I also know better than to pray for God to open his eyes to what I need. Whenever I pray for my husband's eyes to be opened, God reminds me of the ways that I can be a better wife.

So...I guess I need to keep praying, since I've already started down that road. And try not to get so frustrated every time the laundry, a clean house, a happy baby, and dinner go unnoticed.