Warning: This is a vent. Just letting out some frustration.

I know I need to be thankful for the things that I have. I know that I am blessed, and really have absolutely no reason to complain.

BUT...

I'm really frustrated today (call it pregnancy hormones, or just cattiness). I talked to my mom this morning, and for some reason, that usually leaves me feeling just depleted. Which is a hard thing, given that I talk to her just about every other day, if not every day.

We've always had a stressful relationship, and I'm trying to figure out how to not let it get to me. I know that she means well, but she just gets under my skin. She isn't going to change, so I need to figure out how to accept it, somehow.

It's frustrating, though.

She tells all her co-workers about what a great grandma she is. She has been telling them that she's going to take a day off, and take Becca for the whole day, so that I can have some time to myself, and time to get things done. She's been saying this for over a year now. She's had many days off since she first mentioned this, and she usually doesn't even make time to see us for more than an hour, let alone for an afternoon.

She complains that the three of us (me, my hubby, and her) can't go to a movie together, because there is noone to watch Becca. When I offer to ask one of my friends to watch her, she says "No, I want to be the one to watch her.

When she does watch her, there are all sorts of conditions on it. If she watches her at our house, then she comes over as late as possible (so much for wanting to spend time with Becca), and asks if Becca is in a good mood before she comes over. She would much rather watch her at her house. Which is okay, but then she always tells us what a handful she is, and how much work she is, and how she's so tired out.

We're having some friends over for dinner next weekend. I asked my mom last weekend if she wanted to keep Becca overnight (which she always talks about wanting to do). She sounded excited, and said "definitely!" Today when I talked to her, I mentioned that I needed to clean the house for our dinner guests, and she said "have you figured out what you're going to do with Becca when they're over? Is she going to be home?" ???!!!!

The other day she was saying that when the new baby comes, that maybe she'll finally be able to use the carseat base she bought for her car (she didn't use it much with Becca). She said "Then I could take both of the kids for you, to help out sometime. Oh...wait. That would be quite a handful for me, wouldn't it? Two kids?" She paused... "Well, maybe I'll take Becca for you, to help out." This from a woman who tells everyone she would do anything for her grandkids.

So she doesn't want to watch both kids for us. But she'll be offended if we ask someone else to watch them.

In the book I'm reading, there's a chapter on 'relationships'. It talks about relationships with parents, and in-laws. I know I'm not the only one who gets frustrated, and I know these kinds of struggles go on everyday. The book says that we just need to learn to accept what others are willing to give, instead of thinking about what they're not giving. Just because you see someone else's mother being understanding doesn't mean that yours will be. I just need to remember that, I guess. I need to be thankful that Becca does have a grandma near by, and that she does babysit when we need her to.

I just need to accept that my relationship with my mother will most likely never be comfortable. At least not until I accept her for who she is...even if it IS frustrating. :P